Going back to work

These last few days went really well. I was exercising (I even got a bike ride in yesterday) and the last few days I have eaten out. Feeling good that I made healthy choices. And threw out the popocorn here at home after making a batch tonight. It wasn't too bad - no butter. But I think sometimes even having it here in the house kinda feels like I'm comprising. So to recap: met the daily goal of exercising, made wise choices when eating out, threw out popcorn 'cause it is causing me to stress out (and to slip up - only a little bit). Off to work tomorrow so I have to go pack some meals. Have a great long weekend!

Weigh in 5

I had a really good day. I did some walking around the mall (it's almost too hot to be outside - almost). I did some resistance work (I have a new DVD and resistance bands). Today was the second time I have used the DVD and I'm liking it. So while it wasn't an intense exercise day, I was active, walking around a little bit. I did eat out - a yogurt smoothie (which I made sure to plan for) and an unexpected dinner out. I did pretty good with the dinner - salad and a chicken wrap. I don't know how many calories it was, but the point of this diet is try to make a lifestyle change.

So far I have managed to avoid the pitfalls of dining out (thank goodness I have no life!) and today was the 1st time something came up where I was eating out unexpectedly. Jenny Craig (believe it or not) encourages their clients to try to work their plan into everyday life and not just eat the food they sell. I like that idea. But I'm not sure that I have enough confidence yet to really practice it. In a week, I'll be visiting some relatives and friends out of town and I'm going to have to think about how I'm going to do this plan away from home for 2 or 3 days. But for now - I can feel empowered that I managed to stay on point for today - even with eating out!

So weigh in today went okay - I'm down 1 more lb. Which I am happy for, but I think I need to buckle down for the next 5 weeks and really work at it. I have decided to commit to trying to do more exercise (which has been happening the last 3 days) and sticking with the diet more thoroughly (did I mention the slip up with the pizza, crackers and dip this past week? No? Well, I'm going to try to be more honest). I started this blog to be accountable and the past week to 2 weeks I haven't been as honest. So I'm working on it. But I'm doing well and feeling more fit (and definitely in control). So next weigh in?... I would like to see a larger loss. And I'm going to work hard this week to get there.

Update

Just a quick check in - went for a 30 minute walk. I thought it would help me stay on track if I blog about when I do and don't get activity in during the day.

Really moving

Today I had a day off during a stretch of 5 days of work. I got up this morning, checked my email, had some breakfast and was feeling really lethargic. It's quite hot here right now. Which also means that my east facing apartment gets really warm first thing. I just wanted to flop on the couch. But I had put on my workout clothes when I first got up and it motivated me to get moving. So I went for a walk. A really long walk. And there was a pleasant breeze - it didn't start to feel really hot until the last 20 minutes. So I walked for 1 hour 45 minutes! I'm feeling... well, not energized, but at least active (can you feel active?) and healthy. I think I need to commit to making activity a bigger part of my day. I think that is partly why the weight loss has slowed down.

Weigh in day is 2 days away and I need to make sure I get do some kind of movement tomorrow as well.

Sabotage

I really was happy with the 0.8 lb weight loss - I mean, that's almost a pound. And after a few weeks of losing a lot, slowing down of the weight loss is bound to happen. And then the next day... I felt really bad about the weight loss. So I had popcorn (with butter) and pasta (with butter and cheese) - both foods are something I need to steer away from if I want to lose weight. Why is it that I need to feel validated by the number on the scale? I know I ate well the past week, but didn't exercise as much as I could have (due to work). I was following the program and I saw a loss, somehow - it just didn't seem like enough.

I have struggled with numbers on the scale for a long time. If I am trying to lose weight, but the scale doesn't reflect the amount of work I have been doing, it is VERY hard not to be discouraged. And being an emotional eater, once I get discouraged, I eat. And then after eating too much, I feel like a failure, give up all efforts of eating well and just pig out.

Perhaps the solution to this problem starts at the moment I feel discouraged - maybe I need to go for a walk or call and talk to a friend. I don't know. I also need to change my thinking about the scale. When you are dieting, it feels all consuming so I end up thinking about that number on the scale a lot throughout the day/week. I need to think about other things I did well.

But until I stop the binging, I'm going to forgive myself for messing up yesterday. Done. And then I'm going to focus on the next week. I'm going to eat well. I'm going to drink plenty of water. And I'm going to continue to be more active (did I tell you I'm taking the stairs now? 4 weeks ago I was getting off 1 flight below my apartment, now I'm up to 3 flights of stairs). Okay - now I'm working on a healthier me (and trying to wrap my brain around that concept)...

Weight in 4

Today's weigh in went as well as could be expected - I'm down another 0.8 lb. Which is very good for the lack of exercise this week. And down is better than staying the same or going up at this point. I still feel like I should be losing more weight than that at this stage of the game - I expect to see the weight loss slow down later.

In other news, I have a non-scale victory (NSV)... I went for a bike ride today. I did the loop that I had done several weeks ago. And while I still couldn't ride up all the hills, I was able to do more than I did last time. And after walking up the really steep hill, I didn't need as much time to catch my breath. The whole ride was easier. I rode in the highest gear yet - not the bike's highest gear, but it is a step in the right direction. It seemed to go so much quicker this time. And last time, all I could do afterwards was lay on the couch for 30 minutes - I had no energy to even stand. This time - I was stretching afterwards - actively stretching!

I feel like I'm slowly getting stronger. At times, I really wish that this process was going faster than it is - but I have heard many times that slow weight loss is much more likely to stick. And I'm sure it is healthier to lose it at a moderate rate. And really - I started just over a month ago. The weight is still coming off. The program is easy to stick to, and I'm enjoying the food I get to eat. Looking at the positives today - as I'm working to a healthier me!

Still no movement...

I ended up working an extra night. And I haven't been moving at all. For the past 5 days. That's just too long to go without exercise. So now I'm off - I'm going for a walk. Because after working a night shift - I think that is all I can manage. Weigh in tomorrow!

Not Moving

So I have worked the last 2 days and now I'm heading off to work tonight. And I haven't done any exercise in that time. I don't know why - it was hard to get motivated. But the strange thing is.... I miss it. Yes, I have gotten to the point where I begin to want to exercise. So maybe I'll do some stairs on my coffee break (not likely) or walk around on my supper break (it could happen). Losing weight doesn't work if I am only careful about what I eat. I need to move as well. So I have to try to move more. Needing to move more to get to a healthy me...

Still raining

I had a great swim this morning. And then off to coffee with a friend. I walked there - 15 minutes. It was only lightly raining. I can't say enough about nonfat lattes. I think I may need to invest in a espresso machine. There is nothing more comforting than drinking a cup of foamed milk with a rich coffee flavour (I do like my coffee). While we were there, they had to grind up a bunch of coffee - that smell of freshly ground coffee totally takes me back to the days when I worked at Starbucks - love that smell.

The walk home - I got drenched! I stopped at Chapters, 'cause a birthday gift certificate was burning a hole in my pocket. Got some fun books! I only got a few more blocks before I ducked into the drug store to try and wait out the worst of the downpour. And who can past up buying something at a drugstore? Not me (it is one of my weaknesses - in fact - week 2 reward was some new shampoo and conditioner). And then I only got as far as Safeway before I had to duck into somewhere again. It is a good thing there are a couple of very close grocery stores - I have to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies several times a week.

So now - I have a lot of reading to do!

Victory?

So I have decided that I'm going to try to bike at least once on my days off. And I have to give myself this goal because I don't really like biking so far. It is very difficult. I know this is because I weigh too much for my poor legs to push me up some of the small hills. So I think I want to keep doing it until it becomes easy and enjoyable. I'll get there.

I was going to bike today. I had it all set up in my mind to do. And then I woke up to... RAIN. Why isn't the weather cooperating with my exercise goals? So I did not go biking. And then feeling lazy - I ended up in front of the TV. And by 4, I was pretty bored. There is plenty of things to do - I just wasn't doing them. And with the boredom came.... the munchies. GREAT. So to avoid overeating - I jumped on a bus (in the rain) to the mall, got some sushi (not too much - and the right kind - it wasn't overeating, just a treat) and then went to a movie. So the cost of not pigging out tonight?... Over $20. But I didn't overeat. I have to figure out a cheaper way to do this.

Weigh in - 3

Yahoo! so I'm down 4.3 lbs since last weigh in! That's 16.3 lbs in 1 month! And 4 inches (off all over - bust, hips, arms, legs). Super awesome because the scale hadn't moved for 8 days, and then, on the 9th (my weigh in day), all of a sudden, I lose it!

I have eaten Jenny Craig food now for 4 weeks and I'm still finding it easy to do. Sure, there are times when I want to eat junk (it really helps that I don't have any junk in the house to eat) and yes, sometimes I'm still hungry, but I'm getting used to filling up on veggies and I miss water when I get too busy at work to drink. But I love how easy it is to follow the menus. Shopping is a breeze - I know the few items I need to pick up so I don't even go down the tempting isles. Ah, the feeling of being in control. So here's to a healthier me than one month ago!

Extremist

So I just learned that I'm a diet extremist (not my word). Which means I always view my life as being on or off a diet. There is never any moderation. I'm either losing weight or slowly gaining. But I would like to be a healthy person and not always going from one extreme to the other.

I know (and am friends with) people who never seem to gain weight as they age. I find that strange. I guess I believe that over time, if you aren't dieting, you gain weight. How do these people remain healthy while seemingly unconcerned with their weight? And when I think about it, what is wrong with me that I don't really believe that someone can remain at a healthy weight without being on a diet? I think I need to spend some more time thinking about this - and figuring out where my thought process is faulty.

Pictures

So I am noticing a difference in how my clothes fit. And I think I have lost weight in my neck (thank goodness - it was beginning to disappear). I was out at a park yesterday in the sun and wind, feeling fit after walking for 90 minutes, and I thought I should get some pictures taken. So someone snapped them for me (5 or 6 - don't ya love digital) and when I got home and looked at them - OH GROSS! I just can't bring myself to post them. I guess that shirt is NOT flattering. And I probably shouldn't wear tank tops. And while I strongly believe that trying to tan is very harmful (especially because I only burn) I end up being very white - pasty and see through even. Which is better for my skin, but not so great for looking fit.

How is it that I am so upset by these pictures? Why? I have admitted that I'm overweight and NEED to lose weight. I even am admitting it to prefect strangers (or potential perfect strangers if you believe that there are lots of people reading my blog). I wrote my weight in black and white (which is now 12 lbs lighter than when I started - this is working...). And yet, I'm really leery of posting pictures of myself. But I think after this rant, I have to. I believe I talked about being brutally honest at the beginning. And taking very staged pictures really isn't brutally honest. And I don't think I'll be wearing this top out again in public for some time....

I think when I only post the most polished pictures, you may miss how much I have to lose. Maybe I fool myself with how much I have to lose. So at this moment in time, I really looked like this. And I continue to work towards a healthier me.

Weigh in - 2

Happy Canada Day!!!

The fireworks just finished - ah - the pretty colours, the loud bangs! And just off of my balcony.

Weigh in day was today. I'm down another 5.1 lbs. I'm liking the 9 day weeks that I have decided to use for weigh in. I was feeling a lot of pressure (of course put on myself by me) with the normal 7 day week. But I could never weigh in at the same time if I weigh myself every 7 days, and I always retain water when I'm working my stretch. So that means I'm down a total of 12 lbs! Yay. I celebrated this morning by going for a bike ride. Okay, so far, that really isn't much of a celebration - I still need to build up a lot of strength for it to be fun, but I loved being outside and getting some sun!

I got back on track after the sushi distaster. If I could just figure out what was driving me to overeat. But at least it wasn't junk food. Just a lot of white rice.