Weigh in 18

Well, the holidays are over. I go back to work tomorrow. So on this New Year's Eve - I'll be in bed early. I haven't done much reflection. I probably should take some time to set some goals for the coming year. Maybe later.

I weighed in a few days ago (one of my goals should be that I'm going to post more often). And over 5 days at my brother and sister's place and 6 days of company at my place, I gained 0.6 lbs. Which I am extremely happy about. I'm going to call that maintaining over the holidays. Holidays where I wasn't on a "diet" but tried to make better choices. I ate what was being served. I only ate Jenny Craig food for breakfast. Which was cereal for 2 weeks. And it helped having Christmas at my place - then I was able to control the junk food that came into my house (to a certain extent - some did slip by me).

My family use to spend a lot of time playing cards in the evening which inevitably leads to snacks, but we have been playing a lot of Wii when we get together. One day I think there was a total of 7 hours played on the Wii. And while that is not 7 hours of activity just for me, spread out for my whole family?.... Much more active than normal. So tomorrow - the new year - I start out with routine again and head back to work.

Part way through the vacation

Okay - so I didn't get a post in before I travelled to visit family. I should have know better than to expect to post on a day where I got off work at 7 am and then had a flight that evening at 6pm and needed to sleep, clean the house, and pack inbetween! But I made it to my flight and had a lovely time with family.
Now I'm back home and my folks are visiting for a few days. I have a couple of big dinners planned (Christmas eve and Christmas day), but I'm planning on eating in moderation. I decided that if I skip the special foods we only eat at this time of year, I'll feel left out and probably overeat later (when I'm feeling sorry for myself). Thankfully, there is not a lot of junk food in the house (the benefit of hosting Christmas). I'm going to stick to Jenny Craig breakfasts and eat in moderation the rest of the day!

Mini-victories

I'm in the middle of my work stretch so I don't have much to report on. I was recently told that my blog has been rather uninspired the last little bit. So I haven't posted anything as I really don't have anything to say. I'm off to work nights tonight, and I really wanted to slip down to the corner store and have some chocolate today, but I spent some time thinking about how far I have come and then I decided that it wasn't worth it. That was a little mini-win. Last night on the way home from work, I stopped in at the grocery store and only picked up veggies and chicken. I had a healthy stir fry for dinner (when I wanted to have some pasta). So another mini-win. I'll weigh in Saturday and then I'm off to visit my family in another province for a week. So until I leave in 3 days, I'm just going to focus on the little things - my mini-victories.

Weigh in 17

Well, no big surprise - I gained a little bit this week. 0.4 lbs. Which wasn't too bad for having a cold this week and not doing anything. Like I said - this time of year is really hard to lose weight. And being sick really didn't help. But it could have been worse.

Some interesting facts

Blogger has this feature where you can look up the stats of who has been visiting your blog... I just looked through my stats and am a little astounded. I have told friends and family about my blog, but I don't really expect many people to visit. Probably because I'm just rambling about how my weight loss journey is going. And the thought of posting has helped stay on track more than I would have guessed at the start of this journey. So thanks for keeping me honest.

Someone in Kuwait visited my blog. I'm not really sure how they stumbled onto my blog, but I find it fasinating that someone would glance at my thoughts. But even more interesting was that there has been 3 visits to my blog by people in Slovenia. Three visits! Slovenia! Where they speak Solvene. Bizarre.

Not much is happening right now - just working (I have tonight off and then back to work tomorrow). And while I usually have a plan for eating healthy when at work, I don't do any exercise. Maybe in the new year I will have to figure out how to incorporate exercise into days when I work. After 12 hours on my feet, that's usually the last thing I want to do. I'm going to have to think about this and get back to you. All of you. Especially the readers in Slovenia.

Not feeling great

I have a cold. I'm very sure I got if from work. I have missed the past 2 days and I'm calling in sick for tomorrow. I have slept 14 hours in the last 24 hours. I'm not doing much for activity. And I'm craving comfort foods. It's going to be a bad week....

Weigh in 16

Okay - so I'm a day late with this post. I just didn't get it done yesterday. I think someone at work gave me a cold and I'm trying to fight it as I have a lot of shifts in the next 3 weeks. I'm really not complaining - just explaining that you might not hear a lot from me for the next little while. I'm working a lot so that I can have some time off over Christmas. So the extra time now is well worth it.

Weigh in 16 is actually not bad, even though I gain weight. Two pounds to be exact. But I'm not unhappy with it - I haven't weighed in a while (due to time off work). I try to weigh in the 1st full day off work (as a shift worker, weighing in once a week doesn't work because one week it would be 5am, the next would be 4 pm - both at the start of my day). Seeing as this is my own journey, I figure why be conventional about it - like weighing in once a week. After my last weigh in, I struggled with overeating and eating the wrong foods for about a week. But then I got back on track. So the 2 lbs weight gain is actually good. I lost some of that weight that I put on. And with the holidays coming up, this is always a difficult time - I don't know if anyone else noticed this, but there is food EVERYWHERE. And not so much of it is healthy for you. So I'm trying to be mindful of what goes into my mouth. Some days are more difficult than others. But I'm actually feeling pretty good about this weigh in.

Okay - now I'm off to clean the house - I have to take advantage of my day off today to get ready for company in 4 weeks! All this cleaning is good for me. I'm thinking of it as my cardio for the day.

What a burst pipe will do...

I got home today from work to a burst pipe in the lobby - which for some reason triggered the fire alarm. Which shut down the elevators. I asked one guy if he had been waiting for a long time and he said that he had just sent the security guy up to the elevators to try to unlock them. 3 minutes later, the security guy came down the stairs with a blank look on his face, saying he couldn't figure out how it worked. I decided that I did not want to wait forever and that today was the day that I was going to conquer ALL the stairs (all 27 of them). So I started out slowly... I would walk down the length of the hallway to the other stairwell every 2-5 flights. And yes, I was out of breath. But I felt better after compared to the last time when I did 15 flights non-stop. Unfortunately, I had a bunch of junk for dinner. But I finally walked up all the stairs in my building!!!

Stairs (yet again)

I don't have much happening right now so I'm going to talk about the stairs one more time. I have been trying to find ways to be active without the gym - I want to see if it is possible without the thought of paying for a trainer (and I haven't been spending a lot of time at my pool because I think there is a cold just waiting to strike). So I'm trying to be active around my home. And in my apartment, it means stairs. I have been doing stairs inbetween the episodes of my TV on DVD. And I think I have watched a lot less TV because of it. After I get up and do some stairs - I come back into my place and end up moving around (trying to catch my breath) and empty the dishwasher or clean the bathroom. It has been very productive. Well, "very" might be too strong of a word. More productive than normal lazy days off.

2 days ago, I got up 1st thing in the morning and decided that I wanted to try to walk 15 flights all at once. So I took the elevator down (yes - I know - cheating. But in my defence - I was a little worried about coming back up the whole way so I figured I needed to conserve energy). And I walked up 15 flights. And yes, I did account for the lack of a 13th floor. It was a full 15 flights!

Yesterday, instead of sitting around inside, I decided to walk to a coffee shop 15 minutes away to read. And then I had to walk home. So I'm trying to find every day ways to get more active. I probably also need to add that the last 2 weeks have been FREEZING. Like -25 degrees during the middle of the day with the sunshine. Making getting outside a little harder.

Today - I walked to the post office to get stamps for Christmas cards instead of buying them at the corner store in my building. And then later - I did those 15 flights of stairs again. And this time I walked down. And did not stop on the way back up. Sure, it took me twice as long to get my breath back afterwards and 2 hours later I still have this tickle in my throat - but I did it. And I'm proud of myself.

I head back to work tomorrow (I have a crazy schedule before Christmas) meaning that I'll be working a lot. Thank goodness Jenny Craig has these pre-made meals that I can take to work and don't have to worry about cooking for work for the next 3 weeks. It is like this program was made for me. Or at least single shift workers who eat poorly if their meals aren't carefully planned out in advance. I know many other programs work (and other programs have worked for me in the past), but right now - I love having my food sent to me. And then pulling it out of the cupboard or freezer and having it ready in a few minutes. So here's to a healthier me over these next few busy weeks...

Bad Night

Why is it so hard to eat right when this time of year comes around? It's not even that I have had a bunch of functions to go to where there is all kinds of sweets or baking to eat! Last night, I decided that I was hungry... so I walked the 1 1/2 blocks to safeway just to buy junk to eat. I have food in the house. But at 4:30 (when the sun was setting) I figured that I needed some comfort food.

I picked up a large tray of sushi (I'm sure it would be enough for 2), a jar of antipasto (at least it was a small jar), some crackers, AND a box of mac and cheese. So over the next 5 hours - I ate it all. Or at least I tried to. I could only eat 1/2 the box of mac and cheese. By then I was feeling sick. Is it the lack of light that makes me want to eat all evening? And why do I crave heavy, salty food? I wasn't going to blog about it, but I did originally say I wanted to be honest. So honest I'm being.

I think I have said before how difficult late fall, early winter is for me to lose weight. And I stopped baking a long time ago (while I love doing it, I'm the only one who eats it). I don't have a lot of Christmas parties to go to where there is tons of bad food being served. Spending time with my family is usually confined to a week at a time (where if I blow it, it only is a week). So why is this time so tough? I crave hot chocolate (which I normally don't), I want heavy pastas with cheese (which I can normally avoid), I dream about loaves of bread dipped in butter (I try never to buy bread), and I think about fat ladened dips with copious amounts of crackers. And I want to eat it all by myself. It isn't about sharing good food with friends and family. I just wish I could figure out what's going on in my head.

And a few more stairs....

Yesterday (the first really cold day of the season) the fire alarm went off. Normally, I wait to see if the fire trucks are coming (being on the 27th floor, I have a good view of them coming) and then I wait a little longer to see if they leave right away. I probably shouldn't admit this, but I have never left my apartment when the alarm has gone off. And yes, it normally goes off between 2 and 4am. But yesterday - it went off at 6 in the evening. And after doing so many stairs the day before, I decided that I was going to walk all the way down. Which I did. My knee was only slightly achy on the last few flights, but I was more dizzy that sore (and dizzy from going down in circles, not out of breath dizzy). And then today (which I was worried about being unable to walk) was totally fine. I actually forgot for the first few hours of the day about watching out for aches and pains. Cool, eh?

(Okay, so I can't claim of walking up all 27 flights - I did use the elevator going up, but someday I'll get to the point where the thought of climbing all the way up doesn't scare me.)

Stairs and more stairs

I haven't done much in the past few days. I have a longer stretch off right now (just how my schedule works out). I think it's the reason I haven't done anything. I slept in a couple of mornings ago and then about 2 in the afternoon, I had a nap. Just 'cause I had nothing else pressing to do. And with a bit more time off, that means that nothing needs to get done in a hurry. So the past 2 days were write offs.

Now the weather is getting much more blustery, it is really easy to stay inside and watch TV. I figured that I would start to go through some TV shows I have on DVD. The only problem with that is that it is really easy to watch one show after another and then all of a sudden, the whole afternoon is gone. So I decided that for each episode I watched, I had to do 5 flights of stairs (I guess it is helpful to live on the 27th floor). Which worked out really good the first day I had that idea. Then Sunday and Monday... well, stairs seemed like too much work. And I figured hadn't blogged about my idea yet, so no one would know that was my plan, therefore I wasn't cheating. But I was cheating. So today (after coming home from my swim) I did a couple sets of 5 flights of stairs. And then I have done a few more. Now, I'm caught up. All 9 times today. That's 9 sets of 5 flights. 45 flights. Or 630 individual stairs. Not that I did them all together. I go down 5 flights, turn around, come up 5 flights, walk the length of my floor, then do it again. I did it 3 sets, 3 separate times today.

You may be wondering why I'm rambling on about this. I am excited that I was able to do so many stairs at a time. I have always been able to walk for a long time without getting tired, do heavy lifting for a while, or other such daily activities without being in shape. But I have always found that when I'm out of shape and overweight, stairs are REALLY hard to do. I feel breathless very quickly and my knee starts to hurt (when the muscles around my knee are weak). Finding stairs difficult is the 1st thing that lets me know that I'm out of shape ('cause I can fool myself for a long time as long as I don't encounter stairs). So I did 45 flights today. Which I am proud of.

But the reason I started out talking about this was because I felt like I needed to be really honest about how bad Sunday and Monday were. And it wasn't just the lack of exercise (or the refusing to do stairs inbetween episodes like I promised myself). I also inhaled a tub (vat?) of chocolate ice (with the additional tins of caramel and chocolate sauce). Not that I should use this as an excuse, but I have always found it very difficult to loose weight (or even maintain the same weight) in the fall/winter. I crave food that I normally not tempted by. It's the idea of comfort food plus the oversized clothes/layers you wear at this time. And I just don't know how to change my mindset so that I can be successful.

But today was a good day. I have eaten what I am suppose to and haven't eaten anything I'm not suppose to. I went for a 30 minute swim. I did stairs. I'm going to try to think of my success today, and not my failures the past days.

Weigh in 15

I can't believe that I didn't post anything this past week. I thought about doing it a few times, but I really didn't have anything to say. Today is the weigh in and I lost.... (drum roll please).... nothing. And I gained.... nothing. Life is good. There was a few times where I ate more than I should have, but still, no weight gain.

I did buy a hat this morning at the farmers market (locally made http://www.sugarsoul.ca/) this morning. I think I'm celebrating 35 lbs lost (okay, so I'm 0.4 lbs away, but the farmers market only runs on Saturdays). It was fun picking out hats. Especially hats that fit my big head. The one I bought was really comfortable, but there was another one that I liked. Sometimes, it is hard to make these decisions when you are by yourself... I'll let you decide if it was the right one (the other one was white with some colourful buttons on the side)... Brown with deep pink stitching. I'm also posting the picture 'cause I realized that my blog was looking a little text heavy and devoid of pictures.

Okay, I'm going to try to work on increasing the amount of activity I do in the next few weeks and eating well. Christmas season is fast approaching with all of its sweet treats and numerous temptations. I'm going to put in some serious work now before that happens.

Weigh in 14

I knew I was getting back on track. It is amazing what a little routine will do. Back to work, back to eating according to the diet (or at least much closer), and back to trying to work activity into everyday life. I lost 2.6 lbs for a total of 34.6 lbs lost. Which is a very slow rate of weight loss. When I have tried, and was successful, at losing weigh before, it has always happened much quicker. I think this time I can attribute the slower weight lost to several things. First, I am getting older (as everyone does). Second, I'm trying to do this more moderately this time - less extremes which translates into slower weight loss. And finally, I am just not as active as I have been before. I think a lot of this relates to working 12 hour shifts. On my days off, it is rare for me not do exercise (yesterday I went for a swim, today I went for a couple of walks). But I'm finding it very hard to do anything after work, when I have been busy for 12 hours. It is next to impossible to imagine getting up early to exercise.

I think I am a little worried that with this slower weight loss rate that I will be tempted to get bored or give up on this diet. When you see results, you are motivated to carry on. When these results are only fraction of pounds each week, it just makes me wonder how long this process will be. At this rate, it is going to take several years to take the weight off. And yes, I know the argument of "it took you a long time to gain the weight,... it will take time to get it off", but thinking about being on a diet for 2 years is very discouraging.

So this week, I am thankful I saw a loss of over 2 1/2 lbs. It gives me hope. And then I spent some time looking back through my calendar of the last 5 months, savoring each loss. And I am happy. The diet... it's working. Not fast. But working.

On the way to work

... but I thought I would put in a quick update. Last night at work, someone asked me if I had lost weight... and she didn't know that I was trying! That is the first time someone who doesn't know that I'm trying to lose weight actually said something! I was pretty excited. And I started this in June. It only took 5 months for someone to notice and say something. Okay, I'm off now. I only have one more night to work. Hopefully I can stay awake (thank goodness that coffee is calorie free!).

Back to reality

So I'm home from visiting my Grandma. I wish I could say that I made good food choices and was active. My grandmother (who is 90) has chocolates stashed all around her house. And this time, they were good chocolates (thanks to the Halloween candy that is so abundant now). And she is always trying to get me to eat more. I have no idea why. Does it make her feel better if I eat twice as much as she does? Does she think I'm starving (insert a lot of sarcasm here)? Why is it when you visit people, they feel like they have to continually stuff food in your face? If it was healthy food, maybe I could understand it. But it usually is junk. I try not to force people to eat a lot of junk when they come to visit me. I offer food, but if they refuse, I try very hard not to keep after them to eat.

Is it just my family who does this? Or is it that I am overly sensitive to these suggestions, eventually breaking down and eating food just so people stop nagging me to eat? I think I'm very susceptible to guilt. I am going to have to spend more time thinking about these issues before I go visiting family again.

But not tonight. I go back to work tomorrow. First shift back in 7 weeks. And I'm really not looking forward to it. Maybe because I have been thinking about how many shifts I need to do now to make up for all that time off. Oh well, at least I won't be at home thinking about food. Getting back into a routine is always good for the diet, right?

Weigh in 13

So I decided that I need to weigh in today. I go back to work this weekend and back to my normal schedule for weighing in on the first day off. So today, I was down 0.4 lbs. Not a huge amount, but it is something. And at least I'm going in the right direction.

I'm out of town for the next few days visiting my grandma. Hopefully it goes well. I'm excited to see her. And we will see how much damage this visit does to my diet.

The past week

Well, if I look back on this past week - it was pretty good. My diet went moderately well (there was 2 meals of chicken tacos that was off the diet, but other than that - it was okay). I was going to swim every day this week - but my cold changed that. I did exercise every day this week except Saturday - I took the day off. If I wasn't swimming, I was walking. And I did a lot of walking. The week went well. I don't think the scale is reflecting that, though (and yes, I do weigh myself every day - I'm always too interested in how I'm doing not to weigh in daily). I was suppose to weigh in on Tuesday, but I don't think that is going to work out now. I've talked to my grandma and I'm off to visit her tomorrow. Which means that I could weigh in tomorrow. And that seems really soon. But I only have a few more days off before I head back to work (and for those who are counting, that was 7 weeks minus a day off - cool eh?) and I think I should try to get a visit with grandma in.

So I'm taking the bus down to see her on Monday (tomorrow) and coming back on Wednesday. I find it hard to visit with people at their homes and not eat poorly. Or at least, more poorly than I do at home. Someone else is in control of the food. And yes, I usually make the meals when I'm at grandma's, but I'm still limited with what food she has on hand. So, I'm not sure how this will go, but I know it is more important to see family than to make sure I only eat what's on my diet. Okay - that's it for this rambling post - I'm going to try to get through the next few days by making moderate and healthy decisions.

Life without a car

I felt a whole lot better this morning, so I decided that the swimming wasn't really helping the cold. So I didn't swim today again. I know. 2 days in a row. But I did some serious cleaning around my house (including moving furniture). And cleaning out my closest (at least a little bit). I did go for a walk (I needed to drop off my used clothes in the collection bin). I think not having a car has affected my fitness level for the better. I really don't think much of going for a walk to pick things up. It is a good thing that most everything I need is close. And then there is the bus for everything else. I might soon get a car, but I really like living without for now. I think it is making a healthier me.

Reporting in....

Just came back from my walk - 1 and 3/4 hours. But I wanted to say I did it.

Little break

So the swimming thing this week (swimming each day of the week) has been going okay. Until last night when I think I developed a severe sinus headache and ended up sleeping for 11 straight hours. And for someone who has a hard time sleeping more than 8 hours, that is a long time. I think it is from swimming. I have been feeling more congested after swimming and that really isn't helping my cold. So I'm going to walk today instead. And I think that I'll do my long route because I'm not going swimming. And the weather lady on TV just said that she thinks this is the last nice day before next spring.(she was right last year). Okay - off for a walk right now. I even need to put sunscreen on!

Still swimming

Went for a 60 minute swim today. I went later in the day because I thought that way I could have to pool to myself. Except there was way more people in the pool later. I was going to just a have a short, slow swim, but for some reason, with all the other people in the pool, I felt like I have something to prove. So I swam hard for 60 minutes. It is interesting that people's opinion matters to me. Especially when (without my glasses) I cannot really see them therefore I have no idea who they are. And yet - I try to out swim them all. I'm not always faster, but I usually can do more laps and I don't stop between each lap. For some reason, that matters to me. I'm not sure why.

Weigh in 12

I went for a swim today. Even though I am feeling more stuffed up than yesterday - this cold isn't going anywhere. The motivating factor was that I knew I would have to blog about swimming... so I figured I better do it. I only went for about 30 minutes. But at least it was something.

It was also weigh in day today. It is strange to weigh in every 7 days. My work schedule (2 days, 2 nights, then 5 days off) works better if I weigh in every 9 days (on the first full day off). I found that if I was trying to weigh in every week, it wasn't a really accurate weigh in. There is a huge difference from weighing in at 5 AM (when I get up for my 12 hour day) or 4PM (when I get up for my 12 hour night shift). I figured I was going to weigh in for my schedule and not some arbitrary 7 day weigh in. Seeing a loss is more motivating and losing weight every 9 days is easier than 7 days. For all these reasons - I decided to do it my way. But now, I'm on holidays. And I don't have all the same reasons not to weigh in weekly, so this week and next week, I'm going to report my weight loss like the rest of the world. So this week - lost 0.5 lbs. I guess I'll take it when I have been feeling under the weather. And doing a lot less activity now that I'm back home. But I'm feeling good about the weight loss and we will see how it is next week. So here's to a 0.5 lbs healthier me ;-)

Mini Goals for the week

I have decided that this week - I'm going to make use of the pool in my building (it was the biggest reason why I decided to move into this apartment). I'm going to swim every day this week. I was just thinking yesterday how I have almost another 2 weeks off and I need to make use of this time. So I'm going to work out really hard this week. And I'm going to let you know how I'm doing.

This morning I swam for 60 minutes... 25 laps frontcrawl, 10 laps backstroke, 5 minutes of jumping jacks (just to make it an even 60 minutes). And then this evening, instead of sitting and watching TV or reading (what I felt like doing), I went for a 60 minute walk. I just got home. Sure, I don't feel like I'm over my cold, but I figured I needed to some activity anyways... So this week.... more activity. It can be done!

Sick

I haven't had much to say for the last few days. Back at home is boring. There's just no other way to say it. And I feel like I show be doing more - I still have some time off from work and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't waste it. Except that I'm not doing much. It doesn't help that I have a cold. I was fighting a cold on my vacation, but after loading up on cold medication - I thought I had beat it. But it is back. With a vengeance. And it has been slowly getting worse. So today I hit the drug store and got some more cold medication.

I have been eating well these last few days. But I find it difficult to be active when I'm under the weather. I'm sure people can relate to this. I did go for a swim, got in a 2 hour walk on the last warm day of the year (I could sure feel the nip in the air today), done some Wii fitness, and cleaned up my house (well - it could use more cleaning - but I did windows). And that's about all I have done this week. I think I'm going to head off to bed - I'm trying to make sure that I get lots of rest. Which sometimes backfires - my nap this afternoon has ensured that I'm wide awake now... Hopefully I feel better soon!

Weigh in 11

I know that this post is about 4 weeks after the last weigh in post (well, 4 weeks and 1 day after weigh in 10 to be exact). I have been away from home for that entire time so I did not step on my own scale. I took the train to my folks' place several provinces away. I stayed with them for 1 1/2 weeks. It was really relaxing. I was active and ate well. I totally noticed the difference with my cardio and being able to move easier.

I then went on a great trip to Eastern Canada with my cousin. And saw parts of the country I have never seen before. I had fun shopping and playing tourist. I ate some great food, and boy - did we walk everywhere. And finally on the last day, we saw some stunning fall colours on the trees! And my cousin put me up for a couple of days at her place and I got to celebrate another cousin's 1st birthday. I had fun playing on bikes and baseball with little boys and wrestling with a puppy.

Then out west to the Rockies to spend a week with my family. Where I golfed a ridiculous amount (in 3 days, I'm sure that I tripled the amount of golf I have played in the past 4 years). And swam around a little bit in the hot springs, went for a couple of walks up the mountain. And finally celebrated my sister's birthday. And it was a pretty important one.

And through all 4 weeks.... I LOST WEIGHT!... It is amazing what moderation will do. So today, I'm down 5.1 lbs since last weigh in and down 31.1 lbs in total! And that's the absolutely best part of the entire vacation! I just did another happy dance. Please feel free to dance around with me...

Lack of Weigh ins

It is hard to weigh in when you are not at home. For example, at my parent's place 2 1/2 weeks ago, I used my mom's scale. I weighed in 3 days after I weighed in at home and somehow lost 6 pounds according to her scale. And that was after the train ride (where the eating wasn't the best). And that is the last time I have weighed myself. I'm finding that I'm going through scale withdrawal. So I know that this vacation has been better than most (eating and exercising), but I don't really know how I'm doing. I have a lot of new clothes for this vacation so I'm not really use to how they fit so I don't know if they are fitting better, especially after being washed. So I'm weighing in next Tuesday. And hopefully I made it through this vacation without too much damage to my weight loss progress.

The last 2 days I have golfed 48 holes! Well, maybe a little less. We went for 18 holes on Wednesday and I golfed 15-16 holes (by the end, I was tired and chasing my ball back and forth across the fairway was taking too long). Thursday we golfed another 18 holes (I probably did 14) and then another little par 3 (9 holes) in the evening. And you walk all 9 holes on a par 3 (the other 36 holes was in a golf cart). And now I'm going for another 9 today (on the par 5 - my dad and brother are doing 18 holes - I just don't think I could make it another 18).

Today is my sister's birthday, and I'm celebrating (Happy Birthday J!) so I don't think I should talk about what I'm eating tonight... I think birthday's are free days. Right? Well, I'm off to get ready for golf.

Still on Vacation

And I have some pictures to share.

To start out with, I have never been so far east in Canada. So I got to see some of the more historical parts of the country. I went on a couple of little tours, walked a lot, and played tourist a little bit. Unfortunately, it rained most of the time we were there. In fact, there were 2 nice days, but those days were the days we were traveling. At least it wasn't cold, but walking around wet for a while, I ended up chilled by the end of the day. We did have great hotels to warm up in at the end of the day and all the walking helped to keep me warm.

I managed to do more shopping that I had intented to do (isn't that the way it often it?) and ran out of room in by bag by the end of the trip. All that shopping was good cardio. Or at least that is how I'm going to tell it. And we did a lot of walking. Up and down hills. It was our main mode of transportation. One time we even rented bikes. Sure, they weren't great (not at all like my bike), but it was a nice change from the walking. And we sure covered more ground.

Eating wise - well, it could have been better, could have been worse. One day, I had yogurt, granola, and a banana for brunch instead of the many other less healthy choices. But I made up for it when one day I had nachos and wine for supper and brownies and ice cream smothered in carmel sauce for dessert.

Now I'm out in the mountains with my family for a week. I already have done 2 hikes today. And I'm trying to get more on point with my eating. I have some of the Jenny Craig food out here, but it is hard to pull out my little microwavable meal when such great meals are being made. So we will see how it goes. So here's to getting a little healthier than last week.

Just Chillin'

I haven't done much in the past week. I have played a lot of cards with my parents, read a few books, slept in - so far, it's been a great vacation.

A couple of nights ago, Dad and I went for a canoe ride during the only sunny part of the day (all 45 minutes right before sunset). I got to see the lake's beaver population (both of them) up close and personal. I saw one on the shore that quickly jumped into the lake when we went by - and then swam right under the canoe. It must of lost sight of us, 'cause when it popped up 3 feet from the front of the canoe, it was sure startled and slapped it's tail and dived back down. I just about got wet. I have never been so close to a beaver in the wild before.

And then yesterday, we went golfing. It was cool (maybe 8 degrees) but at least it wasn't raining. And the leaves on the trees are prefect right now - all yellow and oranges. I don't have pictures - you will just have to imagine.

Mom and I have done some serious shopping. And then of course we can't forget the games of 100-pin bowling on the Wii. So far - great vacation. I'll try to post more later.

Trip by train

I took the train to visit my folks... I was suppose to be in a berth (basically a bunk bed separated from the hall by a curtain), but when I boarded the train, I found out that someone was sleeping in my berth. And I didn't really want to share my bunk with the fellow who was already in it, so they started looking for another place for me to sleep. And then I was told that all their berths were full... and I got upgraded to a cabin! I was pretty excited. Almost too excited to sleep in it. And the train left the station close to midnight!

The wonderful thing about getting a ticket one step up from economy is meals are included. Breakfast was first come, first serve, but all the other meals you had to book a spot. I had a tomato pesto omelet with hashbrowns and rye toast with coffee. I would have done better if I had skipped the toast (or skipped the hashbrowns) but I had to try the tiny little jams they had. And the hashbrowns were very tasty.

Lunch was a choice of 3 and I picked the lamb burger. The salmon wrap would have been better, but I kinda wanted to try lamb. I had veggie soup, coffee, and SKIPPED the dessert!!! I got off the train just as they started serving supper so I missed out? didn't have to agonize over? got out of? having to pick something for supper. I guess it depends on how you look at it. It was a grey, rainy day and I was happy to curl up in my bed in my cabin for the afternoon.

The last few days at my parent's place have been really good both food wise and exercise wise. I have brought some of my own food and I'm eating right. And I can always find someone to go for a walk with. I'm probably doing a whole lot more than I would have been doing at home. I guess this beats sitting around at home! I'll try to check in again - maybe at an internet cafe.

Weigh in 10

I'm down a little bit - 1.4 lbs. I guess that is a move in the right direction. I haven't quite lost all the weight that I gain a few weeks ago, but I'm pretty close. I was hoping to be down a little more than I am for my vacation, but I'm still happy with this loss.

I had to buy some new clothes - the old ones don't really fit, and the really old ones are a little out of style and more for summer. So I had fun buying clothes for fall - I like sweaters. And now they fit better. I'm only down one size, but I feel like I look better when I'm trying on the clothes. I guess I'm going to call this my celebration for hitting -25 lbs. If buying a ton of clothes every 25 lbs is motivating... I think I'll do it. Even though it is going to get a little expensive. I think one of the problems is that as I have gotten older, my tastes have matured and I just can't buy the super cheap stuff - it just isn't made as well. And then buying things in plus sizes - it is more expensive than regularly sized clothes. Or maybe it is just that there isn't as many options. I'm looking forward to when I'm the smallest of the plus sizes - they always have that size when things go on sale. Right now - they never have my size on sale - it always sells out. Getting to the small plus size is my next mini goal.

So I'm off to visit my parents tomorrow. I don't know how the weigh ins will work. Hopefully I can get some blogging in. Maybe even throw in a few pictures. This first week will be really good. I can totally stay on track at my folks' place. The weeks after that will be tricky. But as my Jenny Craig consultant said - I'm only going to tackle one week at a time (like how is it possible to take on 2 or 3 weeks at once?). So this is going to be a healthier vacation... I just know it!

Quick update

I haven't been blogging much - I have worked a lot in the past 2 weeks. I think that contributed to my burn out. I got off work this morning at 7am and now I'm on VACATION. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. I got 4 hours of sleep today, but I still feel great! I'm now trying to figure out what I'm doing on my vacation. I have some stuff planned, but mum was asking if I wanted to come out there to visit. So I've been making lists and figuring out if it works for me to go out there in a few days. I have a bunch of things I need to get done, but it might work. At least by the end of the week. And tomorrow is my weigh in (which ends up being 3 days later, but with all the extra shifts I worked, it is just how my scheduled worked).

So I'll be writing more later - I just have to start planning my life now. (Oh - I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be a good weigh in - while I didn't exercise, I ate all the right things (and not too much of them) even at the mall today when I was craving sushi)!!!

Weigh in 9

I gained 1.7lbs. I guess that what apathy will get you. I think I'm burnt out. I don't want to exercise, I don't really want to eat well, I don't want to be at work, and I don't really want to be at home. It is a good thing vacation is coming up soon. In a little over 1 week, I have a lot of time off. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe using the time to refocus my attention on my weight loss goals.

(you can tell I'm not really into this - I hardly have been blogging - weigh in was actually yesterday and I couldn't even be bothered to blog about it).

Apathetic

I haven't been really excited about the program recently (like in the past 3 or 4 days). I need to find some motivation again. I had time today to excise... but I didn't. I could have eaten better today... but it was only mediocre. Not that it was really bad - just not really great. So now I have to go back to work tomorrow - so I need to go shopping. I need things to eat for the next 2 days. I have already found out that if I go shopping after working a 12 hour day, I do not make good choices. But it is 7pm, and I haven't had a lot to eat today. So I'm going to be tempted to buy the wrong things tonight. And maybe just admitting this - it will keep me accountable. I'm not sure. But I have to go now - before it gets too late.

Weigh in 8

After getting off nights yesterday - I decided that it would be healthier to go for a walk then sit in front of the TV for the night. So I ended up going on a 90 minute walk! Once I got going, it was easier - thanks in part to my new upbeat music. It felt good.

Today was the work golf tournament. I'm not much of a golfer. But I enjoy getting out there and having fun. And it was a glorious day for golfing - slight breeze, sunny but not too hot, and a great team to play with. One of the women I golfed with is very experienced and a couple of her tips totally improved my game. And it felt fun - not competitive at all (I was a little worried about people needing to win). Our team came in 4 out of 6 teams.

And then weigh in this morning. I'm down 1.9 lbs! Which is absolutely perfect. I did have sushi this evening and then ice cream - but I'm back on the wagon tomorrow. Actually, I'm back on the wagon right now (starting to change my attitude about having bad days - it is not a bad day - only a bad moment. The next moment can be great). No cheating. And I might even work in a swim tomorrow. But there are only so many beautiful days of summer left - I should try to squeeze in some more vitamin D. So maybe that will be a walk instead.

(Can you believe it - weigh in #8 and I'm down a total of 26.2lbs! Granted, that is not 8 weeks. I am weighing in every 9 days or so because that makes more sense with my schedule. Now I just have to think of a reward for hitting the -25lb mark... any suggestions?)

Up and at 'em

I got up this morning and needed to do some serious pep talking to go for a bike ride. I have a million excuses... it really isn't my favorite exercise, it looks like it is about to rain, it already rained, I don't have any fenders on the bike if it does rain or I have to ride through puddles... but I did it anyways. I'm feeling good about me. And I rode just a little farther than last time (I am talking in mere feet - that hill is a killer)! It would be great if I just didn't have to climb that last hill. But I'm going to keep biking. Once I get out there - it isn't so bad.

Weigh in 7

YAHOO!! Great weigh in... I lost 5.9 lbs! I just knew some weight was waiting to fall off! And I think it is time to post another picture. So I have lost a total of 24.3 lbs. Pretty good, eh? I'm pretty excited. I treated myself to some iTunes. And I have been dancing around ever since. I have been craving some white bread - but after this morning's weigh in - NO WAY. I'm sticking to the program.

I went for a swim this morning as well - it is amazing how motivating a large drop in weight can be. I was going to play around on the Wii this evening - but I might just dance a little around some more (the guilty pleasure songs... upbeat, top 40 hits, fun songs I will never admit that I actually bought).

So this dance... it's for a healthier me!

Balcony

After the weekend I spent with my family, my folks came and stayed with me for a couple of nights. And they took me shopping! Patio set shopping. Which is a great thing for someone who doesn't have a car. I get around the city pretty good by bus (or even walking to the stores close to me). Its looking for the big items that is a little tricky. We found 2 good chairs at a great price and then a table and 2 matching chairs. So now - 4 people can sit on my balcony at one time. It is like I now have a whole new room in my apartment! I found a pretty good deal (let me tell you - the beginning of August is the best time to shop for outdoor furniture) and I'm happy that I have something to sit on. While I'm not a fan of wicker - this was the best set for a balcony by far that I saw. And the most comfortable. And that includes the stuff in the store where we found single chairs that sold for well over a thousand dollars! Sure, they were comfortable, but not at all practical for my little balcony.

I just got off working 5 days - I did manage to go for a swim one of those days, but not much activity other than that. So far today - I have been cleaning, doing laundry - keeping busy. While not exercise - it is activity. And I have stuck to the diet plan really well (always so much easier when at work). I'm looking forward to weigh in tomorrow. Even with the visit to the family. I know it will be good!

The Weekend with Family

I think I'm going to ramble on for a bit about how my weekend went. I decided that I wanted to record this weekend's eating so I know I can eat well in less than idea situations and also so I have a record of what works so next time, I can refer back (I'm such a science geek).

So Thursday night (at Ricky's ), I had orange chicken (they were out of the fish) and instead of rice, I asked for 1/2 of the rice and more veggies. They couldn't do that (for some bizarre reason) so instead, I had all veggies. Great day.

Friday I had a non fat latte and multigrain, turkey bacon breakfast sandwich from Starbucks. I don't know how healthy it was, but it was the best breakfast sandwich and definitely the most filling thing I found there. Lunch was a fun sushi place (see previous posts for more about my love of sushi), but I did pretty good. We ordered some sushi (at my request) and more stuff from the grill (for everyone else). I had a few pieces of sushi and a couple of bites of the other stuff (1 piece of ginger beef, some stir fry veggies, some shredded beef and a few bites of salmon. REALLY good for being at a sushi place. Supper was at East Side Marios where I SKIPPED the pre-meal bread!!! and just had salad instead. I had a portabella mushroom panini (it had a lot of veggies, some cheese on a bun - not super awesome, but much better than the cheesy fettucini alfredo that I wanted). We stopped at a grocery store so we had a veggie platter and fruit platter (I didn't even touch the cookies or chips that were also bought!).

Saturday was not as easy as I was eating at people's homes and I still feel like I need to eat what is served. Breakfast was a small bowl of special K and half of a rhubarb muffin (with the brown sugar sprinkled on top) and many cups of coffee. Lunch was the luncheon meat/ cream puff mess (white buns, crackers, cheese, and luncheon meats). Supper was pizza that was brought in. And boy - not so great. I guess my tastes have changed. It was thick crust with lots 'o cheese and it just didn't taste all that great. But I did manage to eat 2 pieces (mostly 'cause I was hungry) - and then I had to have birthday cake, ice cream, and strawberries (how many 90th birthday parties have you been to?).

Sunday brunch was okay. It was the largest and fanciest breakfast brunch I have ever been to. I bypassed the bread table (and yes, there was a table for all the different kinds of breads), skipped the dressing laden salads, had some smoked salmon, a few potato chunks, some fruit, a veggie (and a small amount of cheese) omelet. Which would have been prefect, but I did go back to the dessert table. I had some cheese cake, a shot glass of strawberry mouse, cream puff, and a strawberry dipped in the chocolate fountain (which I had to try - it was a first for me). Early supper was at Swiss Chalet where I had chicken, salad, and FRIES. Oh, right, and ice cream sunday. Why is it when I know I blow the start of a day, I keep eating badly for the rest of the day? I think it comes from thinking "I'll start dieting tomorrow" when I really should be thinking "So I ate something that wasn't great - I have the rest of the day to eat right!".

I think this is why I find family gatherings so tough. I eat well to start out with, but then, after one slip up (and seeing others have fun eating junk), I start telling myself that I'm missing out and that I might as well keep going - I already fell off the wagon (so to speak). I need to learn how to recover from a slip up without it ruining the rest of my day (or week, month,.... year?). I think I'm going to work on this thinking for the next time I get together with my family for a week in October (all who read this blog). Nuts... I should have thought of that earlier - now I'm accountable to them.

I'm proud of the weekend and the choices I made. In recent memory, I have not gotten together with my family and not gained weight. So this weekend - SUCCESS!

I'm back...

I had a great weekend away at my Grandma's 90th birthday party! Saw lots of family and ate pretty well. There was a few times where I was at someone's house and then it is hard to right - especially if they serve luncheon meats and cream puffs, but it went pretty well. Exceptionally well when you consider that often my family uses get togethers as an excuse to eat poorly. So the unofficial weigh in this morning had me the same weight at 6 days ago. I'm pretty happy about that. I'm off to bed now 'cause I go back to work tomorrow. One successful holiday done!

Weigh in 6 (a little early)

Just a quick update. I'm down 0.3 lbs as of today. I had to weigh in during the middle of the day (tomorrow is the normal weigh in) so I actually believe that should be a larger negative number. I'm off to visit some family this weekend (looking forward to seeing them) so I have to figure out how to eat healthy. I could bring some Jenny Craig travel food, but I think I'm going to skip it and just try to eat in moderation. And try to get in a couple of walks.

Accomplishment

After working a 12 hour shift (and a busy 12 hours), I came home, put on my runners and did some strength training exercises. And I ate all the right things today. I have a good feeling of accomplishing my goals today (as well as realizing that I have a long way to go with building some muscle mass). Now I'm off to bed to do it all again tomorrow.

Going back to work

These last few days went really well. I was exercising (I even got a bike ride in yesterday) and the last few days I have eaten out. Feeling good that I made healthy choices. And threw out the popocorn here at home after making a batch tonight. It wasn't too bad - no butter. But I think sometimes even having it here in the house kinda feels like I'm comprising. So to recap: met the daily goal of exercising, made wise choices when eating out, threw out popcorn 'cause it is causing me to stress out (and to slip up - only a little bit). Off to work tomorrow so I have to go pack some meals. Have a great long weekend!

Weigh in 5

I had a really good day. I did some walking around the mall (it's almost too hot to be outside - almost). I did some resistance work (I have a new DVD and resistance bands). Today was the second time I have used the DVD and I'm liking it. So while it wasn't an intense exercise day, I was active, walking around a little bit. I did eat out - a yogurt smoothie (which I made sure to plan for) and an unexpected dinner out. I did pretty good with the dinner - salad and a chicken wrap. I don't know how many calories it was, but the point of this diet is try to make a lifestyle change.

So far I have managed to avoid the pitfalls of dining out (thank goodness I have no life!) and today was the 1st time something came up where I was eating out unexpectedly. Jenny Craig (believe it or not) encourages their clients to try to work their plan into everyday life and not just eat the food they sell. I like that idea. But I'm not sure that I have enough confidence yet to really practice it. In a week, I'll be visiting some relatives and friends out of town and I'm going to have to think about how I'm going to do this plan away from home for 2 or 3 days. But for now - I can feel empowered that I managed to stay on point for today - even with eating out!

So weigh in today went okay - I'm down 1 more lb. Which I am happy for, but I think I need to buckle down for the next 5 weeks and really work at it. I have decided to commit to trying to do more exercise (which has been happening the last 3 days) and sticking with the diet more thoroughly (did I mention the slip up with the pizza, crackers and dip this past week? No? Well, I'm going to try to be more honest). I started this blog to be accountable and the past week to 2 weeks I haven't been as honest. So I'm working on it. But I'm doing well and feeling more fit (and definitely in control). So next weigh in?... I would like to see a larger loss. And I'm going to work hard this week to get there.

Update

Just a quick check in - went for a 30 minute walk. I thought it would help me stay on track if I blog about when I do and don't get activity in during the day.

Really moving

Today I had a day off during a stretch of 5 days of work. I got up this morning, checked my email, had some breakfast and was feeling really lethargic. It's quite hot here right now. Which also means that my east facing apartment gets really warm first thing. I just wanted to flop on the couch. But I had put on my workout clothes when I first got up and it motivated me to get moving. So I went for a walk. A really long walk. And there was a pleasant breeze - it didn't start to feel really hot until the last 20 minutes. So I walked for 1 hour 45 minutes! I'm feeling... well, not energized, but at least active (can you feel active?) and healthy. I think I need to commit to making activity a bigger part of my day. I think that is partly why the weight loss has slowed down.

Weigh in day is 2 days away and I need to make sure I get do some kind of movement tomorrow as well.

Sabotage

I really was happy with the 0.8 lb weight loss - I mean, that's almost a pound. And after a few weeks of losing a lot, slowing down of the weight loss is bound to happen. And then the next day... I felt really bad about the weight loss. So I had popcorn (with butter) and pasta (with butter and cheese) - both foods are something I need to steer away from if I want to lose weight. Why is it that I need to feel validated by the number on the scale? I know I ate well the past week, but didn't exercise as much as I could have (due to work). I was following the program and I saw a loss, somehow - it just didn't seem like enough.

I have struggled with numbers on the scale for a long time. If I am trying to lose weight, but the scale doesn't reflect the amount of work I have been doing, it is VERY hard not to be discouraged. And being an emotional eater, once I get discouraged, I eat. And then after eating too much, I feel like a failure, give up all efforts of eating well and just pig out.

Perhaps the solution to this problem starts at the moment I feel discouraged - maybe I need to go for a walk or call and talk to a friend. I don't know. I also need to change my thinking about the scale. When you are dieting, it feels all consuming so I end up thinking about that number on the scale a lot throughout the day/week. I need to think about other things I did well.

But until I stop the binging, I'm going to forgive myself for messing up yesterday. Done. And then I'm going to focus on the next week. I'm going to eat well. I'm going to drink plenty of water. And I'm going to continue to be more active (did I tell you I'm taking the stairs now? 4 weeks ago I was getting off 1 flight below my apartment, now I'm up to 3 flights of stairs). Okay - now I'm working on a healthier me (and trying to wrap my brain around that concept)...

Weight in 4

Today's weigh in went as well as could be expected - I'm down another 0.8 lb. Which is very good for the lack of exercise this week. And down is better than staying the same or going up at this point. I still feel like I should be losing more weight than that at this stage of the game - I expect to see the weight loss slow down later.

In other news, I have a non-scale victory (NSV)... I went for a bike ride today. I did the loop that I had done several weeks ago. And while I still couldn't ride up all the hills, I was able to do more than I did last time. And after walking up the really steep hill, I didn't need as much time to catch my breath. The whole ride was easier. I rode in the highest gear yet - not the bike's highest gear, but it is a step in the right direction. It seemed to go so much quicker this time. And last time, all I could do afterwards was lay on the couch for 30 minutes - I had no energy to even stand. This time - I was stretching afterwards - actively stretching!

I feel like I'm slowly getting stronger. At times, I really wish that this process was going faster than it is - but I have heard many times that slow weight loss is much more likely to stick. And I'm sure it is healthier to lose it at a moderate rate. And really - I started just over a month ago. The weight is still coming off. The program is easy to stick to, and I'm enjoying the food I get to eat. Looking at the positives today - as I'm working to a healthier me!

Still no movement...

I ended up working an extra night. And I haven't been moving at all. For the past 5 days. That's just too long to go without exercise. So now I'm off - I'm going for a walk. Because after working a night shift - I think that is all I can manage. Weigh in tomorrow!

Not Moving

So I have worked the last 2 days and now I'm heading off to work tonight. And I haven't done any exercise in that time. I don't know why - it was hard to get motivated. But the strange thing is.... I miss it. Yes, I have gotten to the point where I begin to want to exercise. So maybe I'll do some stairs on my coffee break (not likely) or walk around on my supper break (it could happen). Losing weight doesn't work if I am only careful about what I eat. I need to move as well. So I have to try to move more. Needing to move more to get to a healthy me...

Still raining

I had a great swim this morning. And then off to coffee with a friend. I walked there - 15 minutes. It was only lightly raining. I can't say enough about nonfat lattes. I think I may need to invest in a espresso machine. There is nothing more comforting than drinking a cup of foamed milk with a rich coffee flavour (I do like my coffee). While we were there, they had to grind up a bunch of coffee - that smell of freshly ground coffee totally takes me back to the days when I worked at Starbucks - love that smell.

The walk home - I got drenched! I stopped at Chapters, 'cause a birthday gift certificate was burning a hole in my pocket. Got some fun books! I only got a few more blocks before I ducked into the drug store to try and wait out the worst of the downpour. And who can past up buying something at a drugstore? Not me (it is one of my weaknesses - in fact - week 2 reward was some new shampoo and conditioner). And then I only got as far as Safeway before I had to duck into somewhere again. It is a good thing there are a couple of very close grocery stores - I have to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies several times a week.

So now - I have a lot of reading to do!

Victory?

So I have decided that I'm going to try to bike at least once on my days off. And I have to give myself this goal because I don't really like biking so far. It is very difficult. I know this is because I weigh too much for my poor legs to push me up some of the small hills. So I think I want to keep doing it until it becomes easy and enjoyable. I'll get there.

I was going to bike today. I had it all set up in my mind to do. And then I woke up to... RAIN. Why isn't the weather cooperating with my exercise goals? So I did not go biking. And then feeling lazy - I ended up in front of the TV. And by 4, I was pretty bored. There is plenty of things to do - I just wasn't doing them. And with the boredom came.... the munchies. GREAT. So to avoid overeating - I jumped on a bus (in the rain) to the mall, got some sushi (not too much - and the right kind - it wasn't overeating, just a treat) and then went to a movie. So the cost of not pigging out tonight?... Over $20. But I didn't overeat. I have to figure out a cheaper way to do this.

Weigh in - 3

Yahoo! so I'm down 4.3 lbs since last weigh in! That's 16.3 lbs in 1 month! And 4 inches (off all over - bust, hips, arms, legs). Super awesome because the scale hadn't moved for 8 days, and then, on the 9th (my weigh in day), all of a sudden, I lose it!

I have eaten Jenny Craig food now for 4 weeks and I'm still finding it easy to do. Sure, there are times when I want to eat junk (it really helps that I don't have any junk in the house to eat) and yes, sometimes I'm still hungry, but I'm getting used to filling up on veggies and I miss water when I get too busy at work to drink. But I love how easy it is to follow the menus. Shopping is a breeze - I know the few items I need to pick up so I don't even go down the tempting isles. Ah, the feeling of being in control. So here's to a healthier me than one month ago!

Extremist

So I just learned that I'm a diet extremist (not my word). Which means I always view my life as being on or off a diet. There is never any moderation. I'm either losing weight or slowly gaining. But I would like to be a healthy person and not always going from one extreme to the other.

I know (and am friends with) people who never seem to gain weight as they age. I find that strange. I guess I believe that over time, if you aren't dieting, you gain weight. How do these people remain healthy while seemingly unconcerned with their weight? And when I think about it, what is wrong with me that I don't really believe that someone can remain at a healthy weight without being on a diet? I think I need to spend some more time thinking about this - and figuring out where my thought process is faulty.

Pictures

So I am noticing a difference in how my clothes fit. And I think I have lost weight in my neck (thank goodness - it was beginning to disappear). I was out at a park yesterday in the sun and wind, feeling fit after walking for 90 minutes, and I thought I should get some pictures taken. So someone snapped them for me (5 or 6 - don't ya love digital) and when I got home and looked at them - OH GROSS! I just can't bring myself to post them. I guess that shirt is NOT flattering. And I probably shouldn't wear tank tops. And while I strongly believe that trying to tan is very harmful (especially because I only burn) I end up being very white - pasty and see through even. Which is better for my skin, but not so great for looking fit.

How is it that I am so upset by these pictures? Why? I have admitted that I'm overweight and NEED to lose weight. I even am admitting it to prefect strangers (or potential perfect strangers if you believe that there are lots of people reading my blog). I wrote my weight in black and white (which is now 12 lbs lighter than when I started - this is working...). And yet, I'm really leery of posting pictures of myself. But I think after this rant, I have to. I believe I talked about being brutally honest at the beginning. And taking very staged pictures really isn't brutally honest. And I don't think I'll be wearing this top out again in public for some time....

I think when I only post the most polished pictures, you may miss how much I have to lose. Maybe I fool myself with how much I have to lose. So at this moment in time, I really looked like this. And I continue to work towards a healthier me.

Weigh in - 2

Happy Canada Day!!!

The fireworks just finished - ah - the pretty colours, the loud bangs! And just off of my balcony.

Weigh in day was today. I'm down another 5.1 lbs. I'm liking the 9 day weeks that I have decided to use for weigh in. I was feeling a lot of pressure (of course put on myself by me) with the normal 7 day week. But I could never weigh in at the same time if I weigh myself every 7 days, and I always retain water when I'm working my stretch. So that means I'm down a total of 12 lbs! Yay. I celebrated this morning by going for a bike ride. Okay, so far, that really isn't much of a celebration - I still need to build up a lot of strength for it to be fun, but I loved being outside and getting some sun!

I got back on track after the sushi distaster. If I could just figure out what was driving me to overeat. But at least it wasn't junk food. Just a lot of white rice.

Sushi

So Sunday night (after working 12 hours) I was walking home, and I convinced myself that I was really hungry. So I stopped off and bought sushi. Before this, I was eating sushi 2-3 times a week (my favorite food). And after I consumed 2 rolls, I looked at the calories. Not a great idea. But instead feeling like a failure and throwing in the towel, I decided to look at it as a learning opportunity - and try very hard not to go out after work. So back on track now. And not giving up.

A lot of packing in the morning

I'm trying something new for the next few days of work. Normally I get a breakfast and lunch packed for work and by the time I get home - I'm quite hungry. So today (and tomorrow) I packed breakfast, lunch, and supper to eat at work. Which means I'm either eating supper at 4 or 5 in the afternoon - pretty early. But I'm going to use the time after work to go for a walk. That way, I'm not eating really late in the day and then crawl into bed. I know there are two theories out there - one being that you shouldn't eat for 3 hours before bed and the other that as long as you don't overeat your calorie limit for the day, it doesn't matter when you eat. I think I believe the 2nd one, but I usually don't keep track of the food eaten later in the evening. So I'm just going to try to not have a big meal before I go to bed and see if I feel better this work stretch. It can't hurt to try, eh?

Went for a walk...

I did go on that bike ride yesterday.... and found out how many hills there actually are right by me! When I finally made it home yesterday - I couldn't move for 30 minutes. That is going to be my goal by the end of summer. To ride that route without having to walk up the hills. I'm pretty sure it can be done.

I only went for a walk today. 45 minutes. It looked like it was about to rain any moment, so I cut the walk short. And then when I got home and looked at the clock and realized that I cut it short and it still turned out to be 45 minutes, I knew that I'm doing better than I was a few weeks ago. I wasn't the least bit tired and I actually felt energized and not drained! I don't remember feeling like that before. So good news. I can easily walk 45 minutes now and it feels like a short walk. Slowly getting stronger and more healthy...

Reward

I figure I need positive reinforcement. So after following the plan to a "T" and feeling motivated (even though there was that one night that I really wanted to cheat), I decided to treat myself. And bought flowers. The florist even did the arrangement for me. There is nothing worse that buying flowers and then sticking them in a water jug without even trying to arrange them. I think it looks really sad. So I went all out. I even needed to buy the vase. It looks pretty good!

Yesterday finished up as a great day - I ate well and when I started to get bored in the evening (and wanting to eat), I went out for a lovely walk. It was still pretty warm out. And I didn't feel like eating even a little bit when I got home. Just needed water. So I think I'm going to go for a bike ride now - maybe a shorter one than last time. I need to get use to this bike seat!

Weigh in - 1

I have decided that I'm weighing in today because that works for my schedule. My weigh in days for Jenny Craig are every Saturday. But that really doesn't work for me. My life works on a 9 day week. How is that, you ask? Well, I work two 12 hour days, then two 12 hour nights, then 5 days off. Repeat. Every now and then I work 5 days on and then 4 days off. I decided that since this weight loss is for me, I'm going to weigh in for myself. Mostly because you are suppose to weigh yourself in at the same time in the day for it to be accurate. How could it possible be accurate if I was weighing myself at 5am one week and the very next week at 4pm when I wake up to work a night shift. I'll weigh in on the first full day off. So today is my first official weigh in.

I lost 6.9lbs!!! Yay! I'm feeling like this program is going to work. It is easy to bring things to work because there isn't much prep work. Yes, some days I have been hungry, but I can eat unlimited veggies and that helps. And I haven't cheated once yet. So still feeling motivated - I'm off for a swim now (my knee has been bugging me - I think I'll wait before I go for a ride on new bike)

My brand new bike

I woke up this morning at the crack of dawn (well, really just 6:30) which is a fall back to when I was a morning person. And I didn't have to work shift work. In my 6:30 haze, I realized that I need to work tomorrow, meaning I need to get up at 5:30, so why not get up now, making tomorrow that much easier? So I jumped out of bed (or slumped out) and changed into the swimsuit and off to the pool I went (the lovely part of living in a building with a pool) and I was the only one there!! Fabulous! So after 15 minutes of lane swimming and then 15 minutes of jumping jacks and treading, I stretched and came back home for breakfast.

Once breakfast was all done, I decided I needed to do some more research about bikes. I have been thinking about buying a bike for several years, but somehow just haven't done it. I sold my car 4 years ago and have been busing it since there (you know, doing my part for the environment) and some transportation around town would be helpful. Or a least a bike to take on exploration trips of the extensive bike trails by the river (walking doesn't take me far enough - I have seen the same thing over and over!).

After googling a few places and finding one with the best customer reviews, off I went. It opened at 10, I was there at 10:30 (yoohoo for the early swim). And I think I bought a bike 20 minutes later! I picked up a new helmet (you know you have a big head when only the men's large helmets fit) and a bell (apparently it is a bylaw here) and a lock. They serviced the bike (maybe 20 minutes) and then I was off. After not sitting on a bike for 11 years. And not really seriously riding for another 10 - I was a little shaky. But not as bad as I expected. I did have a ride around the showroom (only slightly embarrassing with the 20 year old salesman assuring me no one yet had crashed into the other bikes).

And then I realized the flaw in the plan. I picked the store that was separated from my house by A RIVER. And the 2 closest roads to cross - VERY BUSY. Great. So I picked the less busy of the two (and the one that I thought had a sidewalk - thankfully I was right) and well over an hour later (like 75minutes), I hauled my bike up to my apartment (okay, so I rode the elevator up - it would have made for a better story had I "hauled" it up - I live on the 27th floor). This is not a short ride for someone who is desperately out of shape. And has not been on a bike in 11 years. The hill down to the river was fun, but somehow, not quite as fun climbing up the other side. And yes, before you ask, I got off and walked up my bike anytime there was a incline. But one day, ONE DAY, I'll bike that same route and just sail up all the hills.

(The picture is inside - it is hard to take a picture of yourself while you are biking - I was pretty hot and tired at this point.)

No problem staying on program for eating today. Perhaps a little more hungry than previous days, but not starving. Filling up on water and veggies. Letting a facial mask harden as we speak. And then off to bed. I work the next few days, so we will see how this program works when I'm working. To a healthier me (and one who now remembers how uncomfortable bike seats are)....

Excuses

I am single. Reading other's blogs, I think married people envy single people in some ways. Like they get the feeling they could get whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. But not being accountable with someone who lives with you?.... Trust me, having someone there who sees you eating - I know it has stopped me from over eating before. Why make something healthy, when a huge bowl of popcorn covered with butter is WAY easier to make? And if you do decide to try for a healthy meal, I have found it usually consists of 1 type of food. Because variety takes a lot more time and why bother when it is only me?

Now, don't get me wrong. I can cook. Perhaps too well. I have learned how to make something edible with only a few ingredients. But the nutritional value was really lacking. When I do cook for others, I have more than one thing on the plate (instead of just spaghetti with cheese) because that is how normal people eat.

I have stuffed my face way too often when it is just me. Because I do care what other people think. And I know what you think when you see a fat person stuffing their face. 'Cause I think the same things too.

And yes, I eat when I want to, what I want to, and (unfortunately) how much I want to. So I do understand that there is a certain freedom in that. But I also recognize that with no one to look at me as I chow down, I have eaten way too much. And that is a habit really hard to break.

The other thing I am struggling with tonight is boredom. My plans for today fell through and even though I knew they probably would, I didn't plan on doing anything else. So now at 10 at night, I am bored, watching TV, and very thankful that I don't have any junk in the house to eat because I would. I moved to this city several years ago and haven't made a lot of friends. I know many people (though work), but don't have many people that I hang out with. Making for some very boring days off.

Both of these reasons are why I chose Jenny Craig as my weight loss program. The other is that I work shift work - 2 days on, 2 nights on, then 5 days off. Repeat. Making it impossible to do a club. Or get into a class (I fell in love with yoga a few years ago - but haven't been able to regularly make it to a class). It is even hard to go to church consistently. And forget about joining a small group through church - I would show up for 2 weeks and then miss 2 weeks. So joining any other weight loss support group would not work.

Now, I do realize that I have a lot of excuses for not having the life I dream about. But perhaps if I was honest, I would have to say that being overweight is the largest and most dominant reason for staying in. If you don't go out, you don't feel like people are judging you. On the flip side, you get bored (how much TV can you watch?) and when bored, I eat. What a cycle.

I think writing (admitting?) some of these things has helped today. So instead of going to the store and picking up a pint of ice cream (or large bag of chips, or pound of butter and popcorn, or some nice fresh crusty rolls), I'm going to go to bed. I seem to go to bed a lot earlier when I trying to lose weight. Avoid the temptation. It helps. So here's to staying on program all day today (even when I REALLY didn't want to), and to a healthier me....

Feeling Fine

Wow, day 2 of eating right and trying to move more. You know that feeling when you first start out on a program? That you are in control and that your goals are achievable? Well, I'm feeling it. I love that feeling of control.

I got up this morning and realized it was Sunday - walked to church. Haven't been to church in a while. It was good. I think it is important to work on spiritual issues. It has been a while, I have to admit. I think when you are single, it is easy to just keep plodding along in life without being challenged. I felt challenged today in church. We learned about ecology and taking care of creation. Something I probably need to think more about.

And then I had a great afternoon with my brother. It was such a beautiful day. We went out to a provincal park and enjoyed the sun.

I tried to eat small amounts regularly throughout the day. I don't think I can say that I was full, probably closer to just before full or not hungry, but I stayed on the program. I know it is only day 2, but that is 2 days closer to the healthy me than I was last month. So I feel good, in control, and like I kinda want to snack, but knowing that I'm just going to go to bed instead. Ah, the bliss of starting a new weight loss program. But it is going to work this time! So to a healthier me (and one who is heading off to bed rather than snack)...

Moderation

I just finished working a night shift this morning and a friend and I went out for breakfast. Because I still considered it yesterday and I start eating right today, I had a great time and ate amazing food, but it was less than healthy. Eggs Benedict with white wine hollandaise sauce and bratwurst. I'm not even sure if it is possible to count all the calories I consumed. And I felt that I needed to have one last unhealthy thing to eat before I start being careful.

I think I have done this each time I have seriously started any weight loss program. I tell myself that this moment is the last time I will ever have something good to eat so I better make it worthwhile. Which is nonsense. I will have to continue to eat for the rest of my life. It is a requirement for life! And I'm sure I will get many opportunities to eat good food again. For example, after waking up this afternoon, I had fresh strawberries, cereal and milk. And I am very satisfied and I enjoyed the food. I must be crazy. If I could just look at my eating habits with a little moderation, I think I would be much smaller. But the all or nothing attitude doesn't seem to be working out for me. I must try for moderation. Not binge because I have the opportunity. But eat right to enjoy good health.

Striving for moderation (to a healthier me)...

Smaller sizes

I have been looking through other blogs and reading success stories on the net. There seems to be an abundance of women losing weight after having kids. I don't find many stories out there about singles who are struggling. I find it very difficult to buy and then prepare single servings of food. Very little is sold in single sized servings. And it is difficult to prepare a variety of food when you are only feeding yourself. It is so much easier to prepare a bowl of pasta than the balanced dinner of chicken, salad, and a steam veggie. Or something similar. I end of wasting a lot of food that way. I'm really looking forward to eating prepared, single servings.

Swimming

I have a pool in my apartment building. I love to swim. This pool is the main reason I moved to my current apartment. But I don`t swim as much as I expected I would. I probably swim one to two times per week. That`s the average. I seem to go in cycles. I`ll swim 4 times in a week and then not again for 3 weeks. I think it is because I really have to psych myself up when I go. And this would be because I figure people are judging me in a bathing suit. Half the time I`m swimming, I`m the only one in the pool. I love it. I swim at my own pace and usually feel really good about the workout.

And when I share the pool with other people, the really hard part is getting in and out of the pool. Once I`m in, I just swim and don`t really worry about it. But I do swim longer and faster. So obviously their opinion of me (or at least the way I perceive their opinion of me) matters.

There is also a workout room with weights, treadmills, ellipticals, and bikes. I enjoy walking on treadmill, but I have only been in this room twice. In 10 months. Because once again, I think people would be judging me. There is almost always someone in the workout room. And I don`t have any clothes that I feel comfortable in. I have this suspicion that this feeling keeps a lot of people from working out in public.

So I don`t have a great solution yet. I did buy Wii Fit Plus. Which is a lot of fun to play. And I`m doing more than I did 2 weeks ago because of this game, but let`s be honest. A good workout... I don`t think so. But at least I`m moving more. In my own apartment.

I`m sill not eating fabulously yet - I start that probably on Thursday. I signed up for Jenny Craig. And they ship out the supplies so I`ll get the Thursday or Friday. I was really ready to start last Friday, but these few days have been good for getting my head around the whole process and why I really need to do this now. So to a healthier me (or at least one that is moving more)...

Consistency

My brother pointed out that I needed to post often to maintain my readership (yes, all 3 of you following my blog). So I spent some time thinking about that this afternoon. I'm not really writing a blog to have a large fan following (though I'm very sure that will come), I'm writing about my struggles in order to be accountable. I think it would be easier if people did not see me struggle with my weight. I would feel less of a failure if I could hide this. But because I want this to work, I'm going to write about my problems, my victories, and the monotony of daily life.

I thought of one goal I would like to meet in the next month. In order to talk about it, I have to tell you a little story. I was at work last week and a coworker's comment to me hit a little close to home. Coffee break came and I quickly walked to the staff room at the end of the hall. I sat down and my coworker said "Did you just do some heavy lifting? You are breathing really loudly." I immediately recognized that it was only from my quick walk, but I tried to brush it off by saying something very generic like "There sure is a lot of heavy lifting you can do here." I couldn't admit I was breathless from walking! So the goal is to be able to do simple tasks at work and not be breathless. And I know that goals should be specific and attainable and time oriented to be achievable (which this goal isn't), but man, I don't want to be embarrassed about my weight at work.

So today - I ate in moderation. I stopped before I was full. I exercised for 30 minutes (indoors in my apartment, but I was moving). So here's to little steps. And to a healther me.

Starting Out

This is where I start. Start losing weight. Start becoming more healthy. And start being accountable for my weight loss. I just signed up for a weight loss program, but I'm not as worried about the program as I am about the journey. For all of us who have lost weight, and then gained weight, and then lost some, then gained some more... the accountability is what seems to matter. Or at least that is what I have recently decided. I have spent a lot of time reading other blogs out there, especially weight loss blogs and I think these people are on to something.

I also like the idea of talking excessively about myself. In my real life, I don't talk to people about my feelings, fears, struggles, victories or successes. I have a hard time letting people in to my life. And I guess we could psychoanalyze the reasons behind that reluctance to share with people, but what would be the point? I have issues. I recognize that. And maybe someday I will work on all my issues. But one thing at a time. And let's start with weight. Because that is the current overwhelming issue.

I have a lot of excuses about why weight loss is not going well right now. I'm hoping that this new program with address some of those concerns. Like how I'm buying the wrong things at the grocery store, eating too much at one time, and trying to find balance when I work both days and nights. This blog is to help with the accountability. With that in mind, I'm going to actually tell you my weight (yikes!) and post pictures. Which I do not want to do. I do not want people to actually see how much I weigh. Mostly because I tell myself that I hide it well. But let's at least be honest with each other. Anyone can merely look at me and tell that I need to lose weight. But perhaps the brutal honesty will get me through this time (this one last time). So the picture... this is me right now:




At 290 pounds.

Starting now. Working towards a healthy me.