Excuses

I am single. Reading other's blogs, I think married people envy single people in some ways. Like they get the feeling they could get whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. But not being accountable with someone who lives with you?.... Trust me, having someone there who sees you eating - I know it has stopped me from over eating before. Why make something healthy, when a huge bowl of popcorn covered with butter is WAY easier to make? And if you do decide to try for a healthy meal, I have found it usually consists of 1 type of food. Because variety takes a lot more time and why bother when it is only me?

Now, don't get me wrong. I can cook. Perhaps too well. I have learned how to make something edible with only a few ingredients. But the nutritional value was really lacking. When I do cook for others, I have more than one thing on the plate (instead of just spaghetti with cheese) because that is how normal people eat.

I have stuffed my face way too often when it is just me. Because I do care what other people think. And I know what you think when you see a fat person stuffing their face. 'Cause I think the same things too.

And yes, I eat when I want to, what I want to, and (unfortunately) how much I want to. So I do understand that there is a certain freedom in that. But I also recognize that with no one to look at me as I chow down, I have eaten way too much. And that is a habit really hard to break.

The other thing I am struggling with tonight is boredom. My plans for today fell through and even though I knew they probably would, I didn't plan on doing anything else. So now at 10 at night, I am bored, watching TV, and very thankful that I don't have any junk in the house to eat because I would. I moved to this city several years ago and haven't made a lot of friends. I know many people (though work), but don't have many people that I hang out with. Making for some very boring days off.

Both of these reasons are why I chose Jenny Craig as my weight loss program. The other is that I work shift work - 2 days on, 2 nights on, then 5 days off. Repeat. Making it impossible to do a club. Or get into a class (I fell in love with yoga a few years ago - but haven't been able to regularly make it to a class). It is even hard to go to church consistently. And forget about joining a small group through church - I would show up for 2 weeks and then miss 2 weeks. So joining any other weight loss support group would not work.

Now, I do realize that I have a lot of excuses for not having the life I dream about. But perhaps if I was honest, I would have to say that being overweight is the largest and most dominant reason for staying in. If you don't go out, you don't feel like people are judging you. On the flip side, you get bored (how much TV can you watch?) and when bored, I eat. What a cycle.

I think writing (admitting?) some of these things has helped today. So instead of going to the store and picking up a pint of ice cream (or large bag of chips, or pound of butter and popcorn, or some nice fresh crusty rolls), I'm going to go to bed. I seem to go to bed a lot earlier when I trying to lose weight. Avoid the temptation. It helps. So here's to staying on program all day today (even when I REALLY didn't want to), and to a healthier me....